I like to paraphrase.
August 22nd, 2007 11:55![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kohikariBecause I am an attention whore. Otherwise known as I'm thinking of using this as an archive for fandom-related things.
Originally posted on MMPU:
Originally posted on MMPU:
NARUTO CHAPTER 366, READ BETWEEN THE LINES
ITACHI: I stand here ominously, incurring brotherly angst and much fangirl squeeing. Oooh, I'm bad.
(JUDY: Could it be? The Final Battle arrives? I'd thought we hadn't answered enough yet, but Kishimoto is rather unpredictable when it comes to things like this, so... *grabs popcorn and settles back to watch the show*)
NARUTO: *steps out from oh-so-clever hiding place* Go ahead, capture me! I dare you!
ITACHI: Nah, too cliche. I don't do cliche. Let's...talk.
NARUTO: O.o
(JUDY: ITACHI. STOP HITTING ON YOUR BABY BROTHER'S BOYFRIEND. IT'S NOT PC.)
NARUTO: Rah! I don't trust you for very good reason! I attack you from behind, because surely you, an S-class nukenin, will fall for that!
ITACHI: Hell to the no. *pwns*
NARUTO: Well, I certainly didn't see that one coming. On to Plan B: verbal abuse! I wouldn't trust you if you were the last ninja on earth!
ITACHI: Why must you hurt me this way, Naruto-kun? *suspicious movement*
NARUTO: Hoshit. This reminds me of that time he caught me in a genjutsu with only his finger! I must be careful where I put my eyes!
(JUDY: How convenient that this week's flashback pertains to a recent Shippuuden episode.)
ITACHI: Aw, you're so cute. Thinking you're not in my genjutsu yet. Cootchie cootchie coo. By the way, why haven't you run screaming from my awesomeness yet?
NARUTO: Because I'm awesomer than you! Believe it! (JUDY: Sorry, couldn't help myself.) Also, I can make a million copies of myself! Not that it's solved much in the past but hey, I don't give up! Speaking of not giving up, I have to beat you up so Sasuke will stop avoiding me like he's been doing for the past three years!
ITACHI: ...Dude, this complex about my brother is just Not Cool. Pay more attention to me, dammit! Why is he so special? I'm the Number One Bad Guy who's been chasing you and trying to suck out your soul--I mean, your demon--for like three years! All he did was beat you up and run away! I'm badass! He's lame! *angstangstangst*
(JUDY: Itachi, you're so cuuute. You're my new favorite character. You can fill the empty void Tobi-kun left when he went from endearing sidekick to creepy Mafia don. *glompglomp*)
NARUTO: Because he's hotter than y--I mean, um, we're best friends. And, uh, he's the closest thing to a brother I have. And you really suck at being a brother. Bitch. (Also, are those age lines? Seriously man, they make you look really old. I don't go for older men. Blame Orochimaru the paedophile for that.)
ITACHI: You're really hurting my feelings here. You're so cruel, Naruto-kun. (Don't worry, I blame Orochimaru for everything. Creepy little twit. D'you know he kept trying to touch me in the Akatsuki showers?)
NARUTO: (Oh you poor thing.)
ITACHI: *smiles* You know, you're a lot easier to talk to than I expected. Do you want to go for dango sometime--
NARUTO: OH MY GOD YOU SMILED. NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS. PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE!
ITACHI: ...I'll take that as a 'no' then? Damn. *cheap magic trick*
NARUTO: Oh noes! I remember this! This is the part where someone gets sawed in half! And then a rabbit hops out of a hat! No good can come of rabbits!
ITACHI: Actually, I'm just cooler than you and you're already in my genjutsu.
NARUTO: Well, fuck.
ITACHI: Now, come on. Can't we just talk? There's a nice ramen place nearby with window seats...
*scene change*
JIRAIYA: Tsunade-hime! I am come to brighten your day with my glorious off-screen self!
TSUNADE: Come in, but stay away from my sake. Any new gossip--I mean, intelligence?
JIRAIYA: Oh, not much...just the location of the leader of Akatsuki.
TSUNADE: NO WAI!111
SHIZUNE: I haven’t had this much excitement since that time Jiraiya got really drunk and hit on Tonton! Let’s draw up battle plans!
JIRAIYA: Ah-ah-ah. Down, girls.
TSUNADE: *about to unleash Fists of Wrath*
JIRAIYA: O.O Uh, I’ll buy you alcohol?
TSUNADE: You want the freaking Hokage to drop all her important work in order to go get drunk and gossip with you?! You’re mad, I say, mad!
*scene change*
TSUNADE: …And a total genius, you beautiful man, you.
SHIZUNE: *angsts*
JIRAIYA: …I sincerely hope no one’s using you as a role model.
*half Konoha’s kunoichi, including Sakura, Shizune, and Tenten, suddenly sneeze*
TSUNADE: Yeah, yeah, whatever. So he’s in Amegakure? I knew they weren’t to be trusted! Anyone with better security than us is clearly evil! Life isn’t exciting if there aren’t any S-class nukenin popping in for tea. *reminisces*
JIRAIYA: Well, maybe Akatsuki wants to actually keep its secrets instead of having their dirty laundry aired every Friday on Jounin Movie Night.
TSUNADE: I’m sorry, what? I was distracted by the pretty pretty light reflecting off my sake cup.
JIRAIYA: Right. Anyway, that entire country’s in a secret civil war right now, and the leader of Akatsuki is in charge of one of the factions. It’s all terribly romantic; I think I’ll write a book about it someday. Except with much less plot and much more porn, of course.
TSUNADE: Secret war? What? Well, I’m not surprised. This week’s horoscope says that the junction of the elements earth, wind, and fire leads to great chaos. The horoscope never lies.
JIRAIYA: …What?
TSUNADE: THE HOROSCOPE NEVER LIES. *Glare of Death™*
JIRAIYA: …Right then. Um, so, I’m going to go spy in there for a while—
TSUNADE: No! The horoscope says that’s too dangerous!
JIRAIYA: Tsunade-hime, I’m one of the Legendary Three. Danger is my middle name.
TSUNADE: That’s what I mean! You get all the fun while I get all the paperwork! Sandaime wanted you to be Hokage. Sandaime knows best. Don’t you want to wear the pretty hat?
JIRAIYA: Tsunade-hime, me as Hokage would make you look like an organized, dedicated, sober human being. Seriously, the village would spontaneously implode.
TSUNADE: But I want adventure! You always get all the adventure, and I have to stay here with my slavedriving assistant.
SHIZUNE: I heard that, Tsunade-sama. *fisheye*
TSUNADE: You’ve always been off chasing Orochimaru, feeling responsible for him, spying and getting in epic battles and whatnot. Oh, by the way, our old snakey friend’s finally dead. It still hasn’t sunk in yet. Let us pause to angst and reflect on the parallels between our team and Team Seven.
*moment of angst and meaningful pauses*
TSUNADE: Hey, remember when—
JIRAIYA: What I have to say is more important than what you have to say. BREASTS. Breasts breasts breasts breasts breasts. Awkward breast metaphor. Breasts. Say, is this how your inter-village talks go? I’ve always wondered why that young jinchuuriki—pardon me, ex-jinchuuriki—in Sand is so eager to remain allies with us…
TSUNADE: Well, you’re right, part of it is the breasts. Poor lad’s not got much experience in that area, I suspect. But it’s not so much my epic cleavage as his epic crush on young Naruto.
JIRAIYA: True, true. Oh well, more for me.
TSUNADE: Did I ever say you could have any? Back! Back, I say!
*scene change*
NARUTO: Why? Why are you being so creepy? I thought you wanted to kill me and steal my monster fox spirit, not take me out for a drink! (And before you ask, I’ll tell you just like I keep telling Jiraiya, I’m not old enough to drink yet.)
ITACHI: You ask a lot of questions. And you’ve really hurt my feelings over the course of this conversation. We’ll talk more later. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go torture my little brother some more—I mean, dentist’s appointment. Very urgent. Nine cavities from too much dango and chestnut candy. Toodles. *poofs*
NARUTO: That bastard! He was hitting on me with a kage bunshin? Oh, this is so not cool.
*scene change*
SASUKE: *Mission Impossible theme* I’m a ninja! Lookit me sneaking around! I am one with the shadows! Knife in the dark!
ITACHI: I am mysteriously shadowed so no one knows who I am. Oh, I’m so badass.
(JUDY: We’re not that stupid. Well, except maybe for Sasuke. He’ll fall for it.)
SASUKE: Who the fuck are you?
(JUDY: Yup, he fell for it.)
ITACHI: *looms ominously* LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER.
SASUKE: NOOOOO! *dramatic close-up of asymmetrical eyes. Asymmetrical! I’m disappointed in you, Kishimoto! Erm, I mean, carry on…*
ITACHI: I stand here ominously, incurring brotherly angst and much fangirl squeeing. Oooh, I'm bad.
(JUDY: Could it be? The Final Battle arrives? I'd thought we hadn't answered enough yet, but Kishimoto is rather unpredictable when it comes to things like this, so... *grabs popcorn and settles back to watch the show*)
NARUTO: *steps out from oh-so-clever hiding place* Go ahead, capture me! I dare you!
ITACHI: Nah, too cliche. I don't do cliche. Let's...talk.
NARUTO: O.o
(JUDY: ITACHI. STOP HITTING ON YOUR BABY BROTHER'S BOYFRIEND. IT'S NOT PC.)
NARUTO: Rah! I don't trust you for very good reason! I attack you from behind, because surely you, an S-class nukenin, will fall for that!
ITACHI: Hell to the no. *pwns*
NARUTO: Well, I certainly didn't see that one coming. On to Plan B: verbal abuse! I wouldn't trust you if you were the last ninja on earth!
ITACHI: Why must you hurt me this way, Naruto-kun? *suspicious movement*
NARUTO: Hoshit. This reminds me of that time he caught me in a genjutsu with only his finger! I must be careful where I put my eyes!
(JUDY: How convenient that this week's flashback pertains to a recent Shippuuden episode.)
ITACHI: Aw, you're so cute. Thinking you're not in my genjutsu yet. Cootchie cootchie coo. By the way, why haven't you run screaming from my awesomeness yet?
NARUTO: Because I'm awesomer than you! Believe it! (JUDY: Sorry, couldn't help myself.) Also, I can make a million copies of myself! Not that it's solved much in the past but hey, I don't give up! Speaking of not giving up, I have to beat you up so Sasuke will stop avoiding me like he's been doing for the past three years!
ITACHI: ...Dude, this complex about my brother is just Not Cool. Pay more attention to me, dammit! Why is he so special? I'm the Number One Bad Guy who's been chasing you and trying to suck out your soul--I mean, your demon--for like three years! All he did was beat you up and run away! I'm badass! He's lame! *angstangstangst*
(JUDY: Itachi, you're so cuuute. You're my new favorite character. You can fill the empty void Tobi-kun left when he went from endearing sidekick to creepy Mafia don. *glompglomp*)
NARUTO: Because he's hotter than y--I mean, um, we're best friends. And, uh, he's the closest thing to a brother I have. And you really suck at being a brother. Bitch. (Also, are those age lines? Seriously man, they make you look really old. I don't go for older men. Blame Orochimaru the paedophile for that.)
ITACHI: You're really hurting my feelings here. You're so cruel, Naruto-kun. (Don't worry, I blame Orochimaru for everything. Creepy little twit. D'you know he kept trying to touch me in the Akatsuki showers?)
NARUTO: (Oh you poor thing.)
ITACHI: *smiles* You know, you're a lot easier to talk to than I expected. Do you want to go for dango sometime--
NARUTO: OH MY GOD YOU SMILED. NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS. PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE!
ITACHI: ...I'll take that as a 'no' then? Damn. *cheap magic trick*
NARUTO: Oh noes! I remember this! This is the part where someone gets sawed in half! And then a rabbit hops out of a hat! No good can come of rabbits!
ITACHI: Actually, I'm just cooler than you and you're already in my genjutsu.
NARUTO: Well, fuck.
ITACHI: Now, come on. Can't we just talk? There's a nice ramen place nearby with window seats...
*scene change*
JIRAIYA: Tsunade-hime! I am come to brighten your day with my glorious off-screen self!
TSUNADE: Come in, but stay away from my sake. Any new gossip--I mean, intelligence?
JIRAIYA: Oh, not much...just the location of the leader of Akatsuki.
TSUNADE: NO WAI!111
SHIZUNE: I haven’t had this much excitement since that time Jiraiya got really drunk and hit on Tonton! Let’s draw up battle plans!
JIRAIYA: Ah-ah-ah. Down, girls.
TSUNADE: *about to unleash Fists of Wrath*
JIRAIYA: O.O Uh, I’ll buy you alcohol?
TSUNADE: You want the freaking Hokage to drop all her important work in order to go get drunk and gossip with you?! You’re mad, I say, mad!
*scene change*
TSUNADE: …And a total genius, you beautiful man, you.
SHIZUNE: *angsts*
JIRAIYA: …I sincerely hope no one’s using you as a role model.
*half Konoha’s kunoichi, including Sakura, Shizune, and Tenten, suddenly sneeze*
TSUNADE: Yeah, yeah, whatever. So he’s in Amegakure? I knew they weren’t to be trusted! Anyone with better security than us is clearly evil! Life isn’t exciting if there aren’t any S-class nukenin popping in for tea. *reminisces*
JIRAIYA: Well, maybe Akatsuki wants to actually keep its secrets instead of having their dirty laundry aired every Friday on Jounin Movie Night.
TSUNADE: I’m sorry, what? I was distracted by the pretty pretty light reflecting off my sake cup.
JIRAIYA: Right. Anyway, that entire country’s in a secret civil war right now, and the leader of Akatsuki is in charge of one of the factions. It’s all terribly romantic; I think I’ll write a book about it someday. Except with much less plot and much more porn, of course.
TSUNADE: Secret war? What? Well, I’m not surprised. This week’s horoscope says that the junction of the elements earth, wind, and fire leads to great chaos. The horoscope never lies.
JIRAIYA: …What?
TSUNADE: THE HOROSCOPE NEVER LIES. *Glare of Death™*
JIRAIYA: …Right then. Um, so, I’m going to go spy in there for a while—
TSUNADE: No! The horoscope says that’s too dangerous!
JIRAIYA: Tsunade-hime, I’m one of the Legendary Three. Danger is my middle name.
TSUNADE: That’s what I mean! You get all the fun while I get all the paperwork! Sandaime wanted you to be Hokage. Sandaime knows best. Don’t you want to wear the pretty hat?
JIRAIYA: Tsunade-hime, me as Hokage would make you look like an organized, dedicated, sober human being. Seriously, the village would spontaneously implode.
TSUNADE: But I want adventure! You always get all the adventure, and I have to stay here with my slavedriving assistant.
SHIZUNE: I heard that, Tsunade-sama. *fisheye*
TSUNADE: You’ve always been off chasing Orochimaru, feeling responsible for him, spying and getting in epic battles and whatnot. Oh, by the way, our old snakey friend’s finally dead. It still hasn’t sunk in yet. Let us pause to angst and reflect on the parallels between our team and Team Seven.
*moment of angst and meaningful pauses*
TSUNADE: Hey, remember when—
JIRAIYA: What I have to say is more important than what you have to say. BREASTS. Breasts breasts breasts breasts breasts. Awkward breast metaphor. Breasts. Say, is this how your inter-village talks go? I’ve always wondered why that young jinchuuriki—pardon me, ex-jinchuuriki—in Sand is so eager to remain allies with us…
TSUNADE: Well, you’re right, part of it is the breasts. Poor lad’s not got much experience in that area, I suspect. But it’s not so much my epic cleavage as his epic crush on young Naruto.
JIRAIYA: True, true. Oh well, more for me.
TSUNADE: Did I ever say you could have any? Back! Back, I say!
*scene change*
NARUTO: Why? Why are you being so creepy? I thought you wanted to kill me and steal my monster fox spirit, not take me out for a drink! (And before you ask, I’ll tell you just like I keep telling Jiraiya, I’m not old enough to drink yet.)
ITACHI: You ask a lot of questions. And you’ve really hurt my feelings over the course of this conversation. We’ll talk more later. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go torture my little brother some more—I mean, dentist’s appointment. Very urgent. Nine cavities from too much dango and chestnut candy. Toodles. *poofs*
NARUTO: That bastard! He was hitting on me with a kage bunshin? Oh, this is so not cool.
*scene change*
SASUKE: *Mission Impossible theme* I’m a ninja! Lookit me sneaking around! I am one with the shadows! Knife in the dark!
ITACHI: I am mysteriously shadowed so no one knows who I am. Oh, I’m so badass.
(JUDY: We’re not that stupid. Well, except maybe for Sasuke. He’ll fall for it.)
SASUKE: Who the fuck are you?
(JUDY: Yup, he fell for it.)
ITACHI: *looms ominously* LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER.
SASUKE: NOOOOO! *dramatic close-up of asymmetrical eyes. Asymmetrical! I’m disappointed in you, Kishimoto! Erm, I mean, carry on…*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2007-Aug-23, Thursday 01:22 (UTC)no subject
on 2007-Aug-23, Thursday 01:49 (UTC)Thanks!
no subject
on 2007-Aug-27, Monday 03:18 (UTC)omfgroflmao
on 2007-Aug-27, Monday 20:40 (UTC)almost busted a gut trying to hold it in.
Re: omfgroflmao
on 2007-Aug-27, Monday 21:12 (UTC)(Seriously, youall are swelling my ego. X3 Keep this up and I'll start expecting all my jokes to be funny.)
^^
Re: omfgroflmao
on 2007-Aug-28, Tuesday 19:50 (UTC)heehee, much love for this parody! ^_^
-mirkwood.