kohikari: text: "I read crappy fanfiction in / my spare time. / It's crap, / I know it's crap, / and yet I / can't stop." (guilty habit)
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For the past two-and-a-half years I've been working in a specialty sweets shop that masquerades as a grocery/deli.  Inevitably, I started trying the cookies and chocolates we carry--and we carry a lot of different kinds of cookies & chocolates, imported & local & megabrands alike.  Here are some of the most memorable:


CADBURY CREME EGG COOKIES(/Biscuits)

Photo credit: Amazon.

I just want to start out by saying that I love Cadbury Creme Eggs.  I love the classic foil-wrapped ones, I love the mini ones sold in tiny egg cartons, I love the stale ones you occasionally find in the back of your cabinet that have gone completely solid...  So I wanted to try these cookies because even if the cookie part is crap, there's still some familiar fondant icing inside, right?

Nope.  It's gross and goopy with a texture like melted marshmallow, and on its own tastes weirdly like matcha green tea powder.

The chocolate-covered cookie part is pretty good, though--the texture reminds me of Milka ChocoLilaStix, and they do not skimp on the chocolate.  So there's that, at least.

RATING: ♡♡♡♡ chocolate & cookie good, filling awful, overall bluhhh.


OREO MEGA STUF Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

Photo credit: Amazon.

I got this thinking it was a repackaged version of the legendary Triple Stuf.  It's really not--more like Double Stuf with, like, half a millimeter or so more Stuf.  Double Stuf Extra.  Double Plus Stuf.

(Incidentally: I also tried the peanut butter Oreo and the lemon Oreo--both were...okay, but not great. I prefer the mint flavor--it's automatically double-stuf, and tastes better frozen!)

RATING: ♥♥♥♡♡ eh. there's nothing really *wrong* with it, I'm just pissed they made such a big deal out of a barely noticeable difference.


Chewy CHIPS AHOY! OREO CREME FILLED Soft Cookies

Photo credit: FirstWeFeast.com.

These are terrible.  Maybe I would like them more if I was a big fan of the chewy Chips Ahoy?  Maybe they'd be better with the crunchy style, I dunno.  Either way, these are awful and even my neighbor wouldn't eat them (and he eats everything).

(The creme filling isn't as extensive as the package shows--it's concentrated in the middle of the cookie.)

RATING: ♡♡♡♡♡ inedible.


CHIPS AHOY! MADE WITH REESE'S

Photo credit: USFoodz.co.uk.

These are actually pretty good--could use a little more Reese's, but overall a good buy.  (Made with the crunchy style of Chips Ahoy.)

RATING: ♥♥♥♡♡ pretty okay; needs more reeses.


On to fancier things!

MANNER VIENNA LEMON CREAM FILLED WAFERS

Photo credit: Amazon.

These things are fucking amazing and have absolutely ruined me for any other kind of lemon wafer.  They're just.  Fantastic!  Sweet and tart and creamy and crispy and basically perfection in the form of a wafer cookie.

(The vanilla flavor is kind of a fancy 'French' or 'bourbon' vanilla flavor; the hazelnut & chocolate are pretty typical wafer cookies.  It's the lemon flavor that really stands out.)

RATING: ♥♥♥♥♥ :D :D :D


Pocky's Friend PÉJOY Chocolate Cream Filled Biscuit Sticks

Photo credit: WorldMarket.com.

I don't know what they think they're doing with the name (is it supposed to be French? do I pronounce it peh-joy? pey-joy? pey-zhwah-y???...I've been calling them "inside-out Pocky" instead), but these are pretty good.  The filling is soft like in those fancy cookie straw things, but the cookie part is just regular Pocky biscuit.  It's a good combo.

RATING: ♥♥♥♥ p good, no complaints.


CARR'S GINGER LEMON CREMES

Photo credit: Soap.com.

These are super tasty, even if they skimp on the lemon creme.  Whenever I'm tempted by lemon-flavored Oreos or Newman's Own Ginger-O's, I get these instead, because they're so much better!

RATING: ♥♥♥♥ good; needs more lemon creme filling.


OHMIGOD! PUCKER UP Lemon Flavored Cookies

Photo credit: Ohmigod! Cookies.

These things are fantastic even a month stale.  Like most of this brand's other cookies, they're soft and cakey with a delicately crisp sugar crust; unlike the other cookies, they've got this wonderfully complex lemon flavor that reminds me of Polcari's homemade lemon ice*.  Not very tart, but sweet and tasty.

RATING: ♥♥♥♥ :3


OHMIGOD! OVER THE RAINBOW Cookies/Cakes

Photo credit: Ohmigod! Cookies.

This is moist tricolor almond cake layered with raspberry jelly, and then topped with chocolate frosting and sprinkles because why the hell not.  It's really really good, though unlike the lemon cookies, the rainbow cake does not age well!  Eat it before the expiration date or don't eat it at all.

RATING: ♥♥♥♥ very good, though I still prefer the lemon cookies.


BISOUSWEET DOUGHNUT MUFFINS

Photo credit: Bisousweet Confections.

These aren't cookies, but they are incredible.  (The 'muffin' aspect makes it easier to excuse eating half the box in one go.)  The regular flavor is a little heavy on the nutmeg, and the maple apple flavor is pretty forgettable, but the pumpkin spice flavor is nicely molassesy (even if you can't taste any actual pumpkin).

RATING: ♥♥♥♥ can't stop won't stop eating these


LINDT GRANDEUR 34% HAZELNUTS Milk Chocolate Bar

Photo credit: Chocablog.com.

This is potentially the best chocolate hazelnut bar available in the US--and yes, I am aware that for some people those are fighting words.  One of my customers practically had a religious experience with one of these after an exhausting flight home, and he and I were supremely disappointed when my employer's supplier stopped carrying this variety.

For a semifancy chocolate brand, the name is surprisingly straightforward--it's 34% hazelnuts by weight, including both whole hazelnuts and little caramelized hazelnut pieces.  Delicious.

(Also available in dark chocolate.)

RATING: ♥♥♥♥♥ :333
* Every summer, Polcari's Coffee (on Salem Street in Boston's North End) breaks out hand-cranked lemon ice.  When I was little, it was intensely lemony--sour & sweet & flavorful.  Several years ago they changed the recipe to a milder version--still lemony, but less flavorful, and nowhere near as tart.  The last time I tried it (last summer), it seemed like the recipe had changed again--the cup I had was bland and flavorless.  :(  I understand the first change--the super-lemony version was intense and authentic and awesome, but definitely not for everyone, and the North End is a rapidly gentrifying tourist neighborhood--but if they really changed it again I'm disappointed.  Oh well.  I'll always have the memories, right?

re: eggcookies

Date: 2016-02-26 07:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
http://www.junkfoodguy.com/2015/03/30/cadburycremeeggcookies/

Aha, I'm not the only one who was reminded of Thin-Mint-cookie texture.

(Maybe he didn't eat the filling on its own? Because I know from creme-egg fondant, and the white-&-orange marshmallow in those cookies isn't it.)

In comments, mentions of deep-fried creme eggs and "melted easter nest s'mores" consisting of microwaved creme egg + peep + tart shell--nice.

(I've always eaten Cadbury's Creme Eggs the same way--nibbling away at the chocolate shell in an attempt to save as much of the fondant as possible for last, without getting it all over my hands.)


http://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R3AHDXJF5S0MZH/

THANK you. Though I still say it's more like melted marshmallow than marshmallow fluff--living in the state that invented fluff, I have considerable experience with its consistency (and how effective it is as a concrete for building gingerbread houses...)

re:megastuf

Date: 2016-02-26 07:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/21/us/oreo-high-school-experiment/

Huh. Maybe it potentially approaches Triple Stuf magnitude?

(Still not worth spending money on it, though. Come out with Mega Stuf mint or strawberry or orange flavor or something and I'll consider it!)

http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/wordpress/2013/02/12/review-nabisco-limited-edition-mega-stuf-oreo/

Oooh, good point about the ten-fewer-cookies-per-package thing.

Also, this comment blows my mind:

"Hi, I want to know about stuffing in oreos and am in the middle of my initial literature review. Could you please comment on the 2 gram discrepancy between the “Mega Stuf” and “Double Stuf” cookies. I interpret your results to mean the Double Stuf wafers weigh 8 grams, while the Mega Stuf wafers weigh only 6 grams. The weight of the wafers is, in my opinion, under-analyzed in all sources despite its experimental importance, as it seems to be easier to weigh the entire cookie first and then subtract off the weight of the wafer. I imagine this is because its hard to deal with the creme after it has been removed. Importantly, the variation in wafer weight could explain inconsistencies reported in other experiments, and then I wouldn’t have to figure this fucking shit out all by myself."

"...I want to know about stuffing in oreos and am in the middle of my initial literature review" holy shit you have either the best or the worst thesis topic ever, I can't decide.

http://blog.recursiveprocess.com/2013/03/03/oreo-original-vs-double-vs-mega/

Okay, at this point I've heard multiple assertions that wafer thickness and ingredients actually vary between regular, double stuf, and mega stuf oreos, so I'm just going to throw my hands up and speak my mind:

Oreos are bullshit and only belong in ice cream forever and ever the end. "Milk's favorite cookie" is chocolate chip.
Edited Date: 2016-02-27 06:07 am (UTC)

re:oreoahoy

Date: 2016-02-26 07:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
http://www.junkfoodguy.com/2014/05/26/oreochipsahoy/

Junk Food Guy liked these, but then, he openly admits to liking chewy Chips Ahoy! cookies in the first place.

(I've always found chewy chips ahoy tiny and seemingly undercooked. Adding a little oreo creme did not improve them for me, especially since--unlike these reviewers--the cookies I bought had the creme concentrated in a little pocket in the center, not reaching anywhere near the edges.)

http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/wordpress/2014/05/28/review-nabisco-oreo-creme-filled-chewy-chips-ahoy-cookies/#comment-71832

Maybe I'm just a philistine, or an elitist (or both), but at least somebody agrees with me!
Edited Date: 2016-02-27 06:06 am (UTC)

re:reesesahoy

Date: 2016-02-26 07:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/wordpress/2010/08/02/review-chips-ahoy-made-with-reeses-peanut-butter-cups/

this person agrees with me re: reese's-to-cookie ratio ♥



(Note to self: add those chocolate-covered Oreo things to the list. I tried the raspberry ones a year or so ago and they were hugely disappointing.)
Edited Date: 2016-02-27 06:41 am (UTC)

re:viennawafers

Date: 2016-02-27 05:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
http://www.worldofsnacks.com/blog/manner-lemon-cream-filled-wafers

These folks were similarly impressed.

http://www.amazon.com/Manner-Lemon-Cream-Filled-Wafers/product-reviews/B004727UBO/

p much everyone on Amazon was wowed by the flavor--it's the tanginess that makes it really stand out.
Edited Date: 2016-02-27 06:06 am (UTC)

re:pejoypejoy

Date: 2016-02-27 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
http://www.obsessivesweets.com/2014/04/glico-pejoy-pocky-turned-inside-out.html

According to this blogger, Péjoy's official motto is "Pocky Turned Inside Out"? Huh, I don't remember it saying that on the box. Makes sense, though.

http://www.amazon.com/Pejoy-Biscuit-Stick-Chocolate-Ounce/dp/B00KJCKI0G

(Some people on Amazon declared they prefer this to Pocky; I prefer it to regular chocolate Pocky, sure, but until I try the strawberry flavor of Péjoy that jury's still out.)
Edited Date: 2016-02-27 06:05 am (UTC)

re:gingerlemon

Date: 2016-02-27 06:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
http://www.chowhound.com/post/carrs-battle-lemon-creme-cookies-300286

(I actually love those sandwich cookies with a jam dot in the middle, even if they're usually artificially flavored etc. When CVS has them on sale, I go and buy a box of each flavor and spend a week or two experimenting with different methods of eating them. Trying to separate the cookie from the creme from the jelly bit is always a delicious challenge!)

http://www.amazon.com/Carrs-Ginger-Lemon-Creme-7-05-Ounce/product-reviews/B000AYDHTM

Good to know I'm not the only one to accidentally blow through an entire box in one sitting...
Edited Date: 2016-02-27 06:42 am (UTC)

re:omg!!

Date: 2016-02-27 06:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
o shit i just googled "ohmigod lemon cookie review" and this post is the second result listed

o___o

(It's the same for the rainbow kind too. Also I can't find any specific reviews--just two general reviews introducing the company and praising the products without going into much detail.)

https://bkvineyardmarket.wordpress.com/2013/06/21/ohmigod-cookies/

http://www.25amagazine.com/index.php/food-drink/food-articles/item/61-ohmigod-cookies-baked-with-a-heart
Edited Date: 2016-02-27 06:14 am (UTC)

re:donuffins

Date: 2016-02-27 06:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
...Aaaaand it's the same for "bisousweet doughnut muffin review". I'm actually the first result for that search. It seems no one's actually reviewed these?...at least that I can find with a quick googling.

Fun fact: I keep thinking it's "Bisqusweet" because of the font on the label.

re:thirtyfour

Date: 2016-02-27 06:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kohikari.livejournal.com
http://www.chocablog.com/reviews/lindt-grandeur-34-hazelnuts/

Chocablog points out the presence of whole hazelnuts, toffee/caramelized bits, *and* something I forgot to mention--I believe there's hazelnut flavoring the chocolate itself as well. Perfection. ♥

http://fulltimesnacking.blogspot.com/2010/04/lindt-grandeur-hazelnuts.html

Lauren (I think that's her name?) prefers Ritter Sport for milk chocolate with whole hazelnuts. I have to admit Ritter Sport milk choc w whole hazelnuts is delicious, but the bars seem so small! They just don't last as long as a Lindt bar does. (Also, no toffee bits. I love the toffee bits.)

also also her header banner is three gorgeous ice cream cones UNF GET INTO MY FACE

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